Little Secret

Everyone has a secret. A secret they dont want other people to know. The thing is, a secret will stay a secret but not until the person keeping it cant contain it anymore, right? The question is that, is keeping something a secret from everybody else means that you are actually ashamed of it, a guilty feeling you dont want anybody else to know, something you are not proud of to be known, something that you just think might destroy you, something you feel happy about but can't share it to anyone, something you are not happy about, or something that could harm someone or something important to you morally or physically? Or........you fill the blank.

Is there actually a white-lie? People often talk about it. Some use this so called white-lied to avoid telling the truth or avoiding something unwanted by telling a lie. But, when I think about it, isnt white lie is just the same as keeping something a secret to that particular person that has been white-lied?

If we all telling the truths to everyone, everyone might start to think differently about ourselves. Wait, did I just ramble on about secrets or telling the truths? Anyway, aren't both of them related?
I think we all have views on it. We might even know that its not a good thing to lie or keeping something secrets, but why do we still do it all the time.. Or is it just me who think that everyone must have a secret they keep to themselves.. Wait, everyone on this planet Earth might not know your little secret, but doesnt God sees us all and knows us all? So, the thing is, telling God about our secrets is the ultimate answer. Cos some people cant seems to rely or trust everyone else on this Earth. But, is telling God enough when the secret that we've kept for a long time need some attentions from people on the Earth

Two can keep a secret only if one of them is dead.

Does the pain weigh out the pride?

And you look for a place to hide?

Did someone break your heart inside?

You're in ruins

When you're at the end of the road

And you lost all sense of control

And your thoughts have taken the toll

When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass

Nothing's ever built to last

You're in ruins - Green Day

Some Nights, Feeling like..

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck,
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that I could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore..

This is it boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,
but here they come again to jack my style

And that's alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am
Who I am?

That is it, guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This is not one for the folks back home; Im sorry to leave, mom,
I had to go.
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun

Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from..
Some terrible nights..



-taken from Fun. lyrics: Some Nights

Human Race

Look at us, running around. Always rushed, always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race. What we crave most in this world is connection. For some people it happens at first site. It's when you know you know. It's fate working its magic. And that's great for them. They get to live in a pop song. Ride the express train. But that's not the way it really works. For the rest of us, it's a bit less romantic. It's complicated, it's messy. It's about horrible timing, and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it. But sometimes, it slows down just enough for all the pieces fall into place Fate works it's magic. And you're connected. 

From the movie The Switch.

One of Shaolin's scene

I've just watched the movie, Shaolin with my whole class in one of my friend's room today. Well, its a good movie to watch (it has Andy Lau and Jackie Chan)! Anyways, while watching that movie, there are some parts that got me thinking and of course made me wanna cry (or did I cry already? :P) 

The part that got me thinking is when the little girl died because of her own father's doing. That time, that father was faced with a decision to become a better man or keep on doing what he has done (killing people) that got his little girl killed in the end. What Im trying to say or rather ask is this: until what degree or what point will we change? Will it be too late by then?

Will a tragic or unchangeable circumstances be the turning point? But to change to be better or worse? Will that tragic moments worth big enough for us to change to be better? I dont know, so far, Im so thankful to God that I havent got any big tragic sad experience. But when I think about it, we all have things that we are not proud of, we might be addicted to something,  or keep on having some bad habits, having few things that we keep on repeating on doing even if we know its not right, or to hang on to something so tight that we are drowning inside of it and many more.. 

Will we have to experience something really bad in order for us to change to be a better person? I certainly don't want to. Its hard but keeping a positive mindset everyday is what help me to get through the day and to think that God is here with me, I should be a better person each day. I do pray about my weaknesses, admitting it and ask Him to help me to be better. 

Dont close that gate just yet

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then I can keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh now don't make it harder than it already is,
I feel a weakness coming on.

No response on any level, red alert this vessel's under siege,
Total overload, all systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, Give in, and relish every minute of it

-lyrics

But, is it me?

Is this thing worth chasing? Or.. should I let it go? But what if I can't let it go that easy just yet? But if I cant let it go now, I will go deeper under the ocean and its gonna be really hard for me to swim back up to the surface for air.. Will this ship gonna be on my side of the coin? Cos from what I see so far, its not.. 

I dont wanna think about it, but I cant.. I dont wanna be too sensitive about things and comparing myself to others, but I cant help it either.. I think Im gonna be drowning inside my own 'mind-made'-ship.. But isn't it a rational things to do, to weight both side of the arguments?  

Its still a blur..

If there's nothing in there, I don't wanna be going in there.. But I also know that its the risk that I have to take.. I don't wanna be blinded only by my feelings.. I dont wanna be led into a false intention of someone or;  for me to interpret something wrong cos I just wanna see it to go my way.